5 seconds since my last post, but i have so much to say! I am still living in the same dorm, with Joanne, as well as two other girls, Maddie(Madeline) and Stephanie(called Steph by everyone but me). Their neurotic, loud friend Eric also lives here, or may as well. I am still friends with Joanne, but she, like most other girls i manage to be friends with(i cannot be around most women for long periods of time, too annoying) is becoming a sister rather than a friend. And while you love sisters and other siblings, you don't always like them. I like her most of the time though, and that's good enough for me. I don't have many friends, so i will stick with the ones i do have until they are fed up with me. I think most friends sort of take me for granted though. I'm always here, i don't ask for much, and i'm really just happy to be with them when they have time. They're my only connection to the rest of the world sometimes. But sometimes i feel smothered, and other times abandoned. But maybe everyone feels this way. I was alone so much when i was younger that the smothered part is pretty easy to understand. But they don't seem to get that sometimes i want my books and words of dead people half forgotten rather than to go skating or to a game. Not their fault. So it's not really taking me for granted as much as they are not getting that i need/want solitude and togetherness alternatively. Lately i've been needing solitude. I feel like i'm losing touch with myself. I feel like i'm someone else and i can't find my way back to whatever it was that i identified as me. Hopefully i'll find it before i've burned all my bridges.
My brother comes home next month. Hopefully this is his last tour and he will leave the army. I don't like the thought of him going back to some dangerous place that he's not even allowed to confirm he's in. We hear from him every few weeks, he sees his daughter over webcam, but it will be better when he is home. Lol. a few months of him being around and i'll probably wish him gone. Horrible, i know. But he IS my brother. Sleep now. After my daily dose of nicotine. I think i should quit. But by now, you know my willpower is null.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
It's been awhile..
and i'm sorry it has. I always have a better grip on my feeling, and myself in general really, after i've posted here. It helps that i know no one is actually reading this. Just another blog in an endless field of blogs. If someone is reading this, don't tell me. YHou'll make me paranoid, i'll start writing nonsense in an attempt to be more interesting. Don't believe me? Read my myspace blog. I abandoned that thing after i reread it and realised just how much shit i can shovel.
Since my last post, i've passed stat(yay me!) as well as all my other classes. I am now taking the last class in my history minor, Diplomatic history, as well as Experimental psychology, 2 lit classes, and dun dun dun, social science statistics. That's right, another stat class. But even better, this one is for my actual major. And i have to do an expereiment that incorporates stat and psych. Icing on the shit cake here is that my experimental psych class also incorporates stat. And i have to do another experiment in that class, which isn't bad, but the focus is on stats. I'm screwed. This is why i'm going into either teaching psych or social psych. I won't touch pure experimental with a ten foot barge pole. Of course that's a pipe dream, i've got lots of graphs in my future. Is it too late to go to med school?
Nah. If i'd change to anything, it would be to history. I really do like history. If historians made more money i'd jump on that train like a virgin on a prostitute. As it is, after i finish school and (hopefully) get a good job, i'm likely to go back to school for a B.A in history, except i'll take it slow. Just for my own enjoyment after all. And that's if i haven't been dragged off to debtor's prison or something. Bills after school are going to be monstrous. Maybe i should run off to the Dutch Antilles and live with my sister in law's family. They sound interesting.
As it is, i still don't have a job. Jobs are scarce down here and competition is fierce. So i'm going to bite the bullet and apply for a government job. Census takers get paid 12.75 an hour in this county, with compensation for gas and i think meals on the job. That's good enough for me and far better than nothing. I'm also applying to be and RA and an OL. I don't think i'll get either of those. But i can at least try. I'd work almost anywhere at this point. The feeling of not working is just disgusting. Slimy even. If i were rich i'd still work. Or just take so many classes that i wouldn't notice. And volunteer a lot. Being rich would be nice, yes.....
What was i saying? Right, i need a job. If someone actually is reading this and wants to hire me or knows someone that needs a cheap, eager to please employee, forget what i said about not letting me know you're there. Email me now!! Please. If any of my professors are reading this, if you need an assistant, pick me! I'll even tone down the attitude, free of charge(not really, you have to pay me for that).
I haven't written much lately. Or even had an interesting dreams. It's been a bad school year in terms of creativity. Hopefully my muse will come back.
Since my last post, i've passed stat(yay me!) as well as all my other classes. I am now taking the last class in my history minor, Diplomatic history, as well as Experimental psychology, 2 lit classes, and dun dun dun, social science statistics. That's right, another stat class. But even better, this one is for my actual major. And i have to do an expereiment that incorporates stat and psych. Icing on the shit cake here is that my experimental psych class also incorporates stat. And i have to do another experiment in that class, which isn't bad, but the focus is on stats. I'm screwed. This is why i'm going into either teaching psych or social psych. I won't touch pure experimental with a ten foot barge pole. Of course that's a pipe dream, i've got lots of graphs in my future. Is it too late to go to med school?
Nah. If i'd change to anything, it would be to history. I really do like history. If historians made more money i'd jump on that train like a virgin on a prostitute. As it is, after i finish school and (hopefully) get a good job, i'm likely to go back to school for a B.A in history, except i'll take it slow. Just for my own enjoyment after all. And that's if i haven't been dragged off to debtor's prison or something. Bills after school are going to be monstrous. Maybe i should run off to the Dutch Antilles and live with my sister in law's family. They sound interesting.
As it is, i still don't have a job. Jobs are scarce down here and competition is fierce. So i'm going to bite the bullet and apply for a government job. Census takers get paid 12.75 an hour in this county, with compensation for gas and i think meals on the job. That's good enough for me and far better than nothing. I'm also applying to be and RA and an OL. I don't think i'll get either of those. But i can at least try. I'd work almost anywhere at this point. The feeling of not working is just disgusting. Slimy even. If i were rich i'd still work. Or just take so many classes that i wouldn't notice. And volunteer a lot. Being rich would be nice, yes.....
What was i saying? Right, i need a job. If someone actually is reading this and wants to hire me or knows someone that needs a cheap, eager to please employee, forget what i said about not letting me know you're there. Email me now!! Please. If any of my professors are reading this, if you need an assistant, pick me! I'll even tone down the attitude, free of charge(not really, you have to pay me for that).
I haven't written much lately. Or even had an interesting dreams. It's been a bad school year in terms of creativity. Hopefully my muse will come back.
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