Decisions..

Reading back, i realize there's still so much i haven't said. I am now double majoring. Rather than drop my Psychology major, i have merely added a history major. I was minoring in history, as you may recall, but came down to my last 3 credits in the minor and realized that i didn't want to stop taking history classes. Sure this means more work for me(infinitely so) and even more uncertainty about my future, but its worth it to learn some of the things i've always wanted to know about the past. And having 2 BA's will look good on a grad school application. If i can decide what i want to go to grad school for. On top of History or psychology Ph.D's, a Psy.D, Or M.A's in either field(with several subfields to each) there is also the possibility of going to med school, and now, neuroscience. Neuroscience is fascinating and a growing field. I like it enough to entertain thoughts of making this my primary field of study. I would, however, have to go to school far away from home. Decision making is not my strong point, until it's crunch time that is. Hopefully i will make the decision far before graduation, right?

On a completely unrelated note, i'm going to try and take some pics of campus. I'll post them here if i do, ok?

As of late

I have fallen in love with old poetry and old poems. My favorite, this month's darling, or perhaps this year's since i think i reread one of his poems in January, is Hafez. Why is it that the old words of those long gone that ring true now? What is it that they learned that wee fail to get even now? What is it about these words that make me envy the one that penned them so long ago? I read of his love and turn green with envy, jealous of one who became ash long ago. Then i am sad, and happy as well, happy that someone felt this, had this and shared it with the world, and sad that it wasn't me. Please god, let it someday be me.

Not on the lips of men Love's secret lies,
Remote and unrevealed his dwelling-place.
Oh Saki, come! the idle laughter dies
When thou the feast with heavenly wine dost grace.
Patience and wisdom, Hafiz, in a sea
Of thine own tears are drowned; thy misery
They could not still nor hide from curious eyes.

Back again

And nothing has changed. I am still jobless, almost friendless, and loveless. It is spring break now and i have not only gotten no work done, i have not even done anything that may be considered 'fun' in this particular day and age. I think i have hit pathetic. Or maybe i touched that level ages ago and am just now realizing it. In any case, my life is pretty much stagnant. A little back story to catch anyone reading this up, since my last post i have, applied to be an RA and summarily got turned down, applied for an internship but missed the application date, got a job but quit when it turned out to be one of those knife selling things, went dateless and friendless for Valentine's Day, volunteered at the Florida Conference of Historians, and wrote several depressing poems when, after the conference i found myself, as always, alone. Got all that? Good!
I know some of you, if anyone reads this are going, 'were you actually trying to hook up with someone at a history conference?' The answer to that is no. I did however spend all of one day and much of the next in the company of people that knew and were interested in many of the same things as me. I ate with them, i listened to their lectures and talked about life. And when it was over and they all left for vacation, or to spend time with boyfriends or on vacation, i went back to an empty dorm, with no one, not even a lizard to talk to. Talk about emo inducing atmospheres. I was not in a mood that called for silence and solitary dwellings. after all that companionship of like minded individuals i wanted more. That absence made me realize that no matter how irritating my friends get i'll be with them as much as they can stand me. Except that time of the month. No one should be subjected to me then, honestly.

Yet i know that this resolution of mine will, like many resolutions, fall by the wayside when i get irritated or tired. I will count on you to remind me of what i have promised, deal?